Masking Feelings

Masking and un-masking my feelings
Was never my forte..
I speak what I think and it is straight though.
God why do I expect others to be like me?

Effrontery from others is hard to bear.
Wish there was a ring of privacy.
But reactive moments are just outburst on the spur of the moment.
Where relationship and age is given scant regard.

Must live in my shadows.
Mute silence should be the note of the hour,
Articulation must be on hold.
God it is like joining a masquerade.
Where am I???????????

Ebb of Relationships

The myth stands broken
No difference between a girl and a boy.
While the boy gets busy with his wife,
The girl concentrates on her hub's family and hearth.

Parents are left to laugh with them,
Speak to the tune of their language.
No opinions, only a mute and silent listener.

We need to accept the reversal of roles.
It is hard and painful though.

Adan--Adani arrives

2.88 kg,at 10.26 PM. we celebrated the new arrival .....today is the magical 9 day. The whole house reveberates with the babyish sounds and the room so aromatic with the baby smell.

She wails all day and cries all night ..no respite to her mom...scuttling and getting things ready for the angel.

A lot of difference in the house the angel -without a customary halo spreads rays of joyous radiance.Now ..now I am the proud grand mom at the desk...

It is said the birth of Jesus was the birth of one's own freedom--a moment that can be only remembered and not repeated.

Adan..i..is the visible sign of the invisible reality.

She has cone as a unique conqueror.....to win hearts and sway all feelings of goodwill, sans resentment.

A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE....spreading joy..uniting hearts and feelings....it is SMILE..SMILE and SMILE

REVERSAL OF ROLES

Come children's day.
A ring-morale of events unfold.
The premises of the school reverberates with cheer.
A subtle reminder of the horizon coming near.

Youngsters turn to be more defined.
they view the scenario with a speck of gravity.
Allowing the adults to be happy over the events,

We are childish --whereas they are not.
just watchful about their territory.
Yet and yet we wait more for the day...

DEEPAWALI-------2012

The evening sparkles with sparklers.
The sky looks studded with stones.

Nook and crannies reflect the glow of happiness.
it is a night of illumination and fun.

A revelation comes uppermost.
Chambers with in all lighted up

Portals open up for a new phase.
Allowing a fee play of light and shade.

The mustiness and the claustrophobic feelings are dispelled.
A sigh of relief is heaved.
The tirades of illusonistic threads left far behind.

Like mile stone near a roadside stand.
Truth,faith,trust and meaningful life beckons me.

Ruthlessness a Way of Life

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Not a friend nor a foe,
No care and love like b'fore
Is the language halt that one fails to know.

Silence stands predominant,
Faculties start shutting like the shutters of mid-summer noon.
Passage to fresh rutted paths are paved,
Myriad of distraction fails to catch the attention.

One wish, to have no truck with out landish thoughts.
frizzy moments fly like fire-flies.
Time now to bow out from this illusionistic world.
A transformation to the mundane reality.

Hours of contemplation...
 Churns out mindless , meaningless thoughts.
Circumstances draws one indoors.
Yesteryears a far cry.

Lets speak of Compassion,
Root out ruthlessness from the way of life.

Maa Ashbebole

Maa ashbebole koto kichhu swopno niye manush boshe thake.

GHar sajano, porishkar kore boshe thake romoni.

Charoodik alo kore opkekhyay boshe thake.

Ekta onorokom protidhoni, dhak bjar age, kash bajar age ...Mon ta beje ote.
Khushi , khushi bhab.

Shob onay, dhukho, kossto manush bhule jai.
Ekta jano, muhurter swapno desh palte jai.

Eii khushi ta jano theke jai, eii muhurter swapnotar theke amara jano arr na ooty.
Bastob je bodo koster,....Kintu..

Shob bhalo jeenes ki Thake???...Tobu o tommar agomonir jono

Ami poth jeya achhi...............................

The Real and the Virtual

                                    The Real and the Virtual

I live  simultaneously in the real and the virtual world. Each world is fascinating in its own way .While in the virtual world I get lost in the waking dream wish fulfilment;   the real world fills me with wonder, when I face the twain, the adventures and the challenges.

Stark reality, is something that I enjoy, while most people as T S Eliot says "...cannot bear too much of reality ," I enjoy and every moment of my life it  gives me a renewed sense of joy.This is how I have accepted life and I wish to live it to the hilt. No..no..not the Ulysses way but in a normal human way.

I normally advise students to start the day as a ROCK-STAR but I as a  woman at 53 begin my day in that manner. Each day when I start from my home I start with a song on my lips and I reach school before I complete it. Think so many things and plan my day and as I enter the school I set to work upon it.

Even at school I fleet from the real to the virtual and, the virtual to the real rushing to my classes or the Principals office. Before I realise the day gets over and again the play starts. That keeps me agile and thinking. I feel energetic. Seldom do I feel sleepy....thus my day goes on and on. I wonder if Jack Feeney were to know this what would have been his say.The eerie world between dream, desire and awakening...

This is the mantra that I always have a smile on my lips and find humour at every instance......

Ones who mean more than our lives, but why are they shunned????

Ones who mean more than our lives, but why are they shunned????

Tomorrow is the world old age day. A day to remember them, a day to pay a visit to the old homes? a day to show our reverence with some cash or gifts.

In India parents are termed as 'pitrudeva' and 'matru deva'.  Deva means to give, parents stand as our spiritual guidance during the testing times of our life. But why are they ignored and abused? Why do they become a burden for the family members?

It is sad to hear the tirades of ill-treatment...how soon man forgets that the days of geriatrics are numbered and it comes in its own space and time.

As a teacher I have often seen that it is the grandparents who take care of their grand child look after them drop them to school and again come and wait for their grandchild to take them back home.At times I wonder how many times they must have been admonished by their son or daughter-in-law for not reaching on time?

The days of sacrifice, the days of nurturing their children is all forgotten and the poor  parents are left on the lurch. If their children are doing well, the well-off children purchase a flat, provide a car and a driver..they wait for days together for their children. At times a call comes but it is soon spent in hies and hows.....

At times I think------- should we go the Japan way and see the schools and colleges closing down for the dearth of children.................

Where have the values gone? An elderly person at home makes a world of difference.Because he has seen the world at a closer range.He has the ability to lighten up the Western sky ..so let us give them the due importance and make a move to close the old-age homes down.

A heart felt gratitude to the ones who have bequeathed a legacy to us......their posterity.

EXPECTATIONS
Every-time I have expected, I was hurt.
Every-time I thought things would happen this way I was hurt.
Every time had my trust on people I was hurt.

Every-time I waited for an answer and it did not come , I was hurt.
Every-time I said something but expected a favourable answer I was hurt.
Every-time-time I made a first attempt I was rebuffed.

It is time for the one to return home. The comfort zone.
To repair and nurture the pain.
 I feel a section of my heart has gone cold.
It throbs but is bereft of feelings.

The cobwebs of temporary relationships should snap.
I have a notion...
it is time for me to pack my roll.
My existence and worth is over.
God let down the invisible ladder to pull me up.
I  wish to be with my dad and mom.
Speak to them about the weird ways of the world.

Or should I learn to LOVE people Less.

LINES FOR SELF

Has anybody ever written lines for self?
Yet ,   live up to the fact that you are ignored.

Things have already ebbed.
Allow others to carry on their own cross.

Space of one is own and cannot be trespassed upon.
Liberate the dispassionate souls
.
What is yours will remain yours what is not will never stay.
Reality has to be lived upon.

Time to bow out of the arena.
Time to set myself free from all bindings.
Must gather wind under my wings.

No point in living life in reciprocal deeds.
Face the grind according to your needs.

REMINISCENCES

Why do that hour come buzzing back.
With floating, forgotten memories.
Pencil in my lips I contemplate.
Why do such things trouble me?

Ah! no followers in the WINDOW to the world.
Strains of unsung music and unfinished dialogues come in.
Thoughts being transformed to wispy smoke.
Untouched; unbleached; into the vast dark black unknown expance.

REDEMPTION

Every time you hurt me,

but, I don't get angry with you.Everytime it pains,but, I dont say a word to you.Everytime you remain mute I forgive you on the spot.
Because I consider it is my mistake,
I punish myself anew.

                                      EXPECTATIONS

Expectations great and small just fleets my eye.
Strange corners though.
Yet and yet I wait.
A wacky thought.........
Futility is the inevitable end.

Eyes rove the ether.
The answers well etched.
Reasons are so elusive.
Expectations predominant.

                                       CHANGE OF HEART
The play of card is on: Ace and Spade and Diamond.
Why has the heart changed?
Colours just turn a hazy shade.
A realisation dawns-smiles fleet across the face?

Sly, premeditated, scheming ways.
Throw barred shades of answer.
maturity comes to aid.
stops the silly mind from tizzy thoughts.

Reversal of roles takes place.
I push that thought away,
Accept the inevitable.
The play stops.

The Heart tumbles out of the hold.
A sudden breeze sends the clouds scudding.
The card just slips out and is blown away.
To adorn the player on the next table.

SENSE AND SENSIBILITY

The fairy tale roving of thoughts halt now,
A mature spin of events.
Roles change now, a fresh attire.
The world paves a new path now.

Recollections chide me.
Disgust and distaste fill the hours.
Different pursuit must trail the thoughts.
Worldly wise and wisdom too.

The Machiavelli chase of time.
Caused the gullible wander to break the path.
No more of the senseless insensible, meaningless immaturity.
Everything is vain and a waste of spirit.

Stray Thoughts

Trouble troubles you still you
face is and wave it away.


Trust and tact when twain is met 
Change comes unannounced and undeclared.


When words can be so intoxicating,
Where is the need of a goblet of wine.


The quagmire of events grips tight,
Time coagulates and doesn't let me go


Heard of home , is where the hearth is..
Knew not a heart could also be an unpretentious abode.
A place that is free hold and not on lease.


Wrapped in Bundles..,
Knotted tight.


A metaphorical trap,
Beats the Midsummer euphoria.
The Raucous of silence.
Silently ebbing. Aha!! ....it is so peaceful.

Man is Priced

What is cheap and what is priced .
In this world where man is priced.
is there a need of display-
Of wealth , dress and Equipage.

PSYCH UP

Didactic ism comes with moral preaching.
Where is the time for so...........................
Suggestions and advices are seldom equated with teachings.

A FLOW OF FLOE WITH WARMTH

A trepidation of a different kind.
The tremolos and trills.
Questions many.
Not easy to stem the flow of tide.

Suggestions of hampers pour in,
Unceasing concerns.
Things will be all right.
Don't you worry just a bit tarry.

Good feeling though...
Souls good  and lasting friends are rare to come-by.
Yet, the mysterious and mystique feelings engulf me.

The Essence of Being a Human Being

I did not seek to be perfect.
I did not seek to be fault free.
I did not want exotic moments all sixty seconds.

I have geared my self for a world of another kind.
one of the humans ......to be defeated, mocked and overlooked.
Yet..and yet why? do I feel hurt, left out and ignored.

Why do I long to be understood,
I get enraged when I am taken for granted.
Is this a façade of hollowness?
That I long to unmask.
Am I living and basking under the glory of being a human being?
The essence of Being a Human being.

Gauging My Limitations

As children grow up
Mothers must know their parameters.
When to trespass when not to have a granted thoroughfare.

A simple suggestion would mean... interfering.
A loud comment would mean ..snide remark.
Why can't mothers measure their endearments?

Or is it the love of mother that blinds her?
She forgets they are not the little ones.
Matured project handlers.
The world of  façade guides them,
So, leave them alone and mute your say
Mother.......

Swap of Roles Myriad more

Roop, for you
my words of endearment always grew.
Your life caused applause that never ceased.

You who after'bench'
braved the merciless taunts and snide remarks.

A lady perfect who remained equi poised
even in the face of the nastiest days.

Today you are on the verge of motherhood.
To carry your thoughts with equanimity.
a serene face you project
but conceal a brain that works fervently.

I wish you well; hope the legacy shines
you, who made me a mother and now a grand mom too
My applause continues ceaselessly.

A Shaft of Ray

I went through a time travel,
To the past and; the idyllic world;
Where everything is"Utopian".

To a world of love and promise,
My world was strewn with roses alone,
I was mesmerised and ecstatic.

Forgot myself and the present world disappeared.
day-in-day-out I was ringed with illusions.
Smoky world of illusions.

But one fine day a shaft of light'
broke into the forbidden ring.
And my bubble of illusions burst.
I found myself in the world of
Reality-responsibility and Values.

I wept-n-wept like 'Caliban', to Dream again,
I was like 'Jack' of the Third Level, searching for the ultimate.
A shadow of 'Professor Gaitonde'.

Now grounded back into the prosaic world.
Only reality no magic.
A faint Ray of Hope-
Will I have a fleet into fancy again.

Moving On With Silence

All sudden there is silence of a peculiar kind.

If one forgets why not I?

Philosophy says things are reciprocal.

God! It is so difficult.

Confused between ego and like.

How can thoughts be erased,

from the span of Life?

Difficult indeed ....

Remorse and dejection engulfs me.

Smile and laughter eludes me

far and far away from my life.

REVISITING

Revisiting painful memories.
Easier to lock it any way, unseen, unspoken.
We haul it invisible about our necks.
Only to be woken to realise,
We are rooted in a Keloidal past.
While the world had just rumbled passed.

TORMENTING NOTIONS

Stop tormenting thyself.
day after day...
Get tuned to the spin of tide.
Responsibility just entwines thee.

The mad spin of happenings .
Too many for a mortal.

Yet memory haunts me even more.
A sepultured figure nagging me.
A secrect liason with the other world.
Seeking peace and only peace.

SPLENDOR REGALE

The tumultuous din around me is raised.
Streaks of lightening and thunder comes as reminders.
Fogginess of a different kind takes the top spot in my life.
Frantically in search of the Alchemists' stone.
That transforms lead to Gold.

A sweet whiff of nostalgia.
Catches me unawares.
Recked, unrecked it returns.
With REGALE splendor.

FAITHFULLY YOURS

Time has coagulated since then.
Nothing ever comes sudden.
nor strokes; no gushes of love.

Trying hard to peer at things.
With powers greater
a mere mortal that I am.

No heights, no zeniths,
It is just the beginning
A saga of pure sentiments,
Portals glide, stay without rust over years.

Thanks for the nearness.
The glowing tribute paid,
Happiness knows no bound for your sake.

AUSTERITY

Zen, Hermit, Monk, Yogic Saint,
A clarion call for Paradise.
Is it time to pick our rolls from this mundane and macabre world?

Are they not twin concepts?
Inseparable and inscrutable.
A voyage within has started.

Let us keep up the play of Light and Shade.
Life is not so easy made,
each has to complete his share of tale.
Without any room for pain or gain.

Nothing was ever wrought without a purpose.
Accept things one must as it comes.
Live life King size, face it , laugh with it.
Have your share of taste before the reclusive bid.

Casting Coloured Shadows

The distaste for colours,
first Pink and now Scarlet red.
Are we rooted in the visible dimension of Reality.
Then what work has spooks and sprites to do.

No barriers beset for your being.
Let injuries be just skin deep.
otherwise the toll will be something beyond keeps.

Radiance must give its due place.
What is there can never be replaced.
Why talk of seat and talk of throne?
Was there anything not temporary prone.

Instead of uneasy circumstances.
Let us drive away the dark shadows with Light.
Colours of many hues make everywhere Bright.

TIME OFF BEAT

We stand on our toes,
Stretch ourselves and search for time
that's yonder..........
Time that arrives like a "second coming"
It waits not, stops not....

Just whisks us off our feet;Tango a little while.
Filling the moments with hope ans desires
With only empty dreams.
Can we deny that we are
The architect of our own Destiny/

Resurruction

No more loud noisy words.
Whole day whispers make a conspiracy.
Stirring life into every second.
A passing breeze just touches delicately.
With sonorous secrets from Hebrides.
It creates a resonance in the mind.
One rooted to the threshold-
Watching drying footsteps.

How does one speak of Obituary?
Have we not already risen from the sapping debris of History?